Be careful. Getting remarried can be very meaningful or it can be a disaster. That’s why it’s important to understand the common mistakes that people make going into another long-term relationship. If you’re considering remarriage, check off the items below that apply to you. Then read the explanations that follow to learn how to deal with them.
1. Do You Still Blame Your Ex-Partner for the Failure of Your Marriage?
You may have every right to be angry about the failure of your marriage. And it’s a natural defense mechanism just to say, “It’s all your fault.” But even if that were true, your anger will interfere with your ability to be fully involved with your new partner. So rather than blaming your ex-partner, it’s better to learn how to let it go. In other words, you need get your last partner out of your thoughts—by dealing with it—before you get married again.
You may have every right to be angry about the failure of your marriage. And it’s a natural defense mechanism just to say, “It’s all your fault.” But even if that were true, your anger will interfere with your ability to be fully involved with your new partner. So rather than blaming your ex-partner, it’s better to learn how to let it go. In other words, you need get your last partner out of your thoughts—by dealing with it—before you get married again.
2. Do You Believe That If Two People are Passionately In Love They Really Should Get Married?
Falling in love is the traditional way to pick a partner, and it washes away the memory of your last relationship. But sometimes the carefree feeling at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t tie people together very well for the long-term. That’s one reason why so many first marriages end in divorce.
Falling in love is the traditional way to pick a partner, and it washes away the memory of your last relationship. But sometimes the carefree feeling at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t tie people together very well for the long-term. That’s one reason why so many first marriages end in divorce.
This happens because when you’re struck by love you generally don’t really get to know your new partner very well before you rush off to get married. Then you wake up one day thinking you’re in bed with a stranger. None of this is your fault, however, because the state of being in love naturally changes. Love either matures or it falls away. That’s why it’s best to wait to get remarried until after you know your partner well enough to feel rewarded sometimes just to be around him or her. In the meantime, enjoy your flaming hot relationship, but don’t make any long-term commitments. Not just yet.
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3. Are You Marrying the PersSource
Had an Affair With?
The person you had an affair with seems irresistible, of course. He or she can make you feel young and invigorated. But people who have affairs usually turn out to be lousy marriage partners. That is why 80% of affair-related marriages end in divorce. So if you’re having an affair, slow down, get some space, and think about what you’re doing. You might be marrying a person who has a weakness for having affairs. You might still have that same weakness yourself.
Had an Affair With?
The person you had an affair with seems irresistible, of course. He or she can make you feel young and invigorated. But people who have affairs usually turn out to be lousy marriage partners. That is why 80% of affair-related marriages end in divorce. So if you’re having an affair, slow down, get some space, and think about what you’re doing. You might be marrying a person who has a weakness for having affairs. You might still have that same weakness yourself.
4. Are You Getting Married Again Because You’ve Found “The One?”
It’s great, actually, if you think you’ve found your soul mate. And maybe you’re high as a kite, elated that your dream has come true. But so many people said that about their last partner. Then the perfect new partner turns out to be a nightmare. When this happens, people find themselves divorced and blaming each other, saying they married the wrong person. But they are likely to find another “perfect partner,” say he or she is “the One,” and the cycle of having unsatisfying relationships repeats itself all over again.
It’s great, actually, if you think you’ve found your soul mate. And maybe you’re high as a kite, elated that your dream has come true. But so many people said that about their last partner. Then the perfect new partner turns out to be a nightmare. When this happens, people find themselves divorced and blaming each other, saying they married the wrong person. But they are likely to find another “perfect partner,” say he or she is “the One,” and the cycle of having unsatisfying relationships repeats itself all over again.
Finding the “One” and having that relationship fall apart, of course, is one of the major reasons second marriages end in divorce. So if you find yourself in this situation, you need to slow down. Think about the fact that there are five feelings of love that are involved in a high-functioning romantic relationship: a) the in-love feeling, b) sexual feelings, c) feeling like friends, d) feeling like family, and e) feeling like you want to help your partner achieve his or her goals.
So, if you’ve really found your soul mate, you should be able to identify how you both have any or all of these feelings going for each other at various times. The point, of course, is that if you’ve found “the One,” slow down. What could be the hurry, anyway, if this really is your soul mate?
5. Do You Compare Your New Relationship to Your Old One?
A second marriage will have different qualities compared to a first marriage. That is one of the reasons why second marriages are often very meaningful and fulfilling. But if you’re stuck thinking about the last marriage, you cannot move freely into the new one. You’ll drag your partner down with yesterday’s relationship expectations applied to an entirely new situation. So put your old relationship aside and figure out what your emotional needs really are today. But first, look at the issues you did not understand about marriage before going into the last one. And then move on, a little wiser from what you learned from your last relationshi
A second marriage will have different qualities compared to a first marriage. That is one of the reasons why second marriages are often very meaningful and fulfilling. But if you’re stuck thinking about the last marriage, you cannot move freely into the new one. You’ll drag your partner down with yesterday’s relationship expectations applied to an entirely new situation. So put your old relationship aside and figure out what your emotional needs really are today. But first, look at the issues you did not understand about marriage before going into the last one. And then move on, a little wiser from what you learned from your last relationshi
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