1) Cheating and Infidelity
Unless you are okay with open relationships, cheating and infidelity are for most people the number #1 deal breaker. Once you have committed to a relationship, if one person steps out, they not only break your trust but throw away the love you have given them. They also can give you irreversible STDs, endless heartache and cause you to continually question them since trust has been broken.
Unless you are okay with open relationships, cheating and infidelity are for most people the number #1 deal breaker. Once you have committed to a relationship, if one person steps out, they not only break your trust but throw away the love you have given them. They also can give you irreversible STDs, endless heartache and cause you to continually question them since trust has been broken.
If you are not okay with sharing your partner physically (hey…some people like to swing), and they have cheated on you, do yourself the favor and end the relationship. You do not need to settle for a cheater. You will find someone who will appreciate you.
Have enough respect for yourself to demand loyalty and faithfulness from your relationship.
Have enough respect for yourself to demand loyalty and faithfulness from your relationship.
You know the saying that often rings true, “once a cheater, always a cheater”. End it with a cheater and move on.
Is it impossible to repair a relationship after infidelity has occurred? No. But it won’t be easy. If you are married and cannot simply walk away from an unfaithful spouse, seek counseling and outside resources for help determining if the relationship is repairable. Only time will tell with this kind of damage.
2) Lying
Similar to cheating comes lying. How are you supposed to have a happy fulfilling relationship with someone that lies to you? You cannot trust a liar. People that love you will not lie to you. A person that loves you will be honest, regardless of the pain it causes. They will tell you the truth and then sort out problems with you. Together. As a team. After-all, isn’t the point of two becoming one the goal? Or…if you’re not bothered by problem #1 perhaps many becoming one is the goal? I don’t know. Had to say it.
People lie for two reasons.
Similar to cheating comes lying. How are you supposed to have a happy fulfilling relationship with someone that lies to you? You cannot trust a liar. People that love you will not lie to you. A person that loves you will be honest, regardless of the pain it causes. They will tell you the truth and then sort out problems with you. Together. As a team. After-all, isn’t the point of two becoming one the goal? Or…if you’re not bothered by problem #1 perhaps many becoming one is the goal? I don’t know. Had to say it.
People lie for two reasons.
1. To avoid having to deal with the consequences of their actions.
2. To avoid hurting someone they care about because they’ve done something that they know will hurt them. In essence, protecting themselves from dealing with inflicting pain on someone.
2. To avoid hurting someone they care about because they’ve done something that they know will hurt them. In essence, protecting themselves from dealing with inflicting pain on someone.
Lying is the easiest route to take to avoid hurting a loved one, while still remaining unaccountable and being irresponsible. How are you supposed to build a future on that?
3) Drugs and Other Addictions
This is a BIG one. If you are involved with a drug addict, alcoholic, or gambler END the relationship. Often with drug addictions, cheating, infidelity, and lying goes hand in hand, as does abuse.
3) Drugs and Other Addictions
This is a BIG one. If you are involved with a drug addict, alcoholic, or gambler END the relationship. Often with drug addictions, cheating, infidelity, and lying goes hand in hand, as does abuse.
You are not responsible for someone’s sobriety. You cannot get them to stop using. That is a decision they need to make for themselves, in their time, and on their terms. They will not get sober for a relationship with you, or anyone else. Don’t take it personally, it is not something you caused and is not something you can fix. Addictions and gambling destroy families, communities, and the lives of many children. It is personal only for the addict. Often when you are tangled up in a relationship with a drug addict you will be in a constant state of turmoil, drama, chaos, worry, and stress (romantic or not). Financial and legal problems pile up quickly in these relationships. They become consuming and heart
wrenching. You can soon find yourself feeling like the crazy one. Stop telling yourself that you are too much in love to walk away. Or that you are not strong enough to do so. You are. The best thing you can do for an addict is leave. Stop enabling their behavior. If and when they become sober, then a relationship will be possible for them (with or without you) and at that time, but not a minute sooner. That is when healing and forgiveness can take place. When they’ve done the work needed to maintain sobriety. Until then…don’t get mixed up with an addict. Period.
What if you’re unsure the person has a substance problem? Trust your intuition, if you are questioning it, they probably do. If you need more enforcement, check out how a drug addict thinks, feels, and behaves while actively addicted.
4) Abuse: Verbal, Physical, and Control
Any type of abuse is not acceptable. Yes, it is normal for couples to argue or disagree, but then they work things out. They apologize and find the middle ground. Sometimes a compromise is in order, sometimes they simply have to agree to disagree. But love does not fight dirty with verbal abuse, or physical violence. That is not loving. No matter how many times someone lays a hand on you then vows to never do it again is NOT okay and it’s usually a lie. When someone constantly wears you down with insults, or by telling you how to dress, how to act, what you are and are not allowed to do, that you’re stupid, or any other slander is a means to control.
Any type of abuse is not acceptable. Yes, it is normal for couples to argue or disagree, but then they work things out. They apologize and find the middle ground. Sometimes a compromise is in order, sometimes they simply have to agree to disagree. But love does not fight dirty with verbal abuse, or physical violence. That is not loving. No matter how many times someone lays a hand on you then vows to never do it again is NOT okay and it’s usually a lie. When someone constantly wears you down with insults, or by telling you how to dress, how to act, what you are and are not allowed to do, that you’re stupid, or any other slander is a means to control.
Anyone that treats another with verbal or physical abuse does not love you. They are insecure and they need to get psychological help.
5) Unrealistic Expectations
You cannot expect anyone to provide you with all the happiness you require. That is an unrealistic expectation. It is not someone else’s job to make you happy. A relationship should enhance your life and your partners in an equal balanced way. But it is a priority to make yourself happy first. That is your responsibility. No relationship or friendship can fulfill all the emotional requirements you have. It is not fair or right to put that kind of expectation on one person, and if you do, they will soon resent you for it. No one wants to entertain you all day long, or have you call them or text them 400 times a day. No one enjoys everything you do. Get over it.
5) Unrealistic Expectations
You cannot expect anyone to provide you with all the happiness you require. That is an unrealistic expectation. It is not someone else’s job to make you happy. A relationship should enhance your life and your partners in an equal balanced way. But it is a priority to make yourself happy first. That is your responsibility. No relationship or friendship can fulfill all the emotional requirements you have. It is not fair or right to put that kind of expectation on one person, and if you do, they will soon resent you for it. No one wants to entertain you all day long, or have you call them or text them 400 times a day. No one enjoys everything you do. Get over it.
Cultivate your own goals and hobbies. Pursue your valuable friendships with people of all walks of life and genders. Determine who you are and what you value. If you have not done so, if you have not taken the steps and work required to know yourself first, it won’t be possible for someone else to do it for you. Nor is it their job. And if you put this kind of expectation on one person, the relationship is destined for failure. Get a life! Get your own life first. Then share it with someone else.
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Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean.
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