UHONDO KITANDANI

I've always been up for a challenge-that is, until I tore my ACL at an indoor trampoline facility at age 24 (pro tip: don't try to outdo your brother). The entire experience was painful, humbling, and from that moment on, my carefree behavior went straight out the window. I was terrified of getting injured again, so I moved with caution and avoided any risky activities, which eventually led to a more sedentary (read: boring AF) lifestyle. (I'm not the only one:
A year later, I moved from California to New York City and decided to refresh my mindset. I started living by the motto: "Say 'yes' to everything (within reason) and see where it goes."
So when the opportunity to try trapeze for a Shape video arose-a real chance to step out of my comfort zone and face my fear of injury-I had to say yes. But I pitched it with a twist: I'd convince my boyfriend, Blake, to learn with me and catch my final trick in the show.
Blake and I had only been dating about 10 months prior to this whole trapeze thing, and, admittedly, I was extremely hesitant to trust a new guy. He seemed pretty great, but I figured this would be a good way to truly test our trust and compatibility. Could we stay chill even when faced with a challenge? Did he really have my back?
Sure, we had worked out together on occasion, but we had never done anything as absurd as learning trapeze... on camera... for the whole internet to see.
So, one night after dinner I pitched the idea to him, which was, ironically, the same night I learned about his fear of heights. According to Blake, he's not afraid of heights, per se, but rather "the idea of being up high on something poorly made, you know, like an old NYC fire escape or a wobbly platform 20-feet in the air." Fair enough.
Blake was up for the challenge (even after he saw our performance costumes) and we both figured it would either be a great new hobby, shed some serious new light on our relationship, or-at the very least-be an interesting story to tell.

The Trapeze Experience

We signed up for a seven-week workshop at Circus Warehouse in Queens, New York-the same facility where superstar Zendaya trained for the movie The Greatest Showman. The first day was overwhelming and intimidating. People were swinging and flipping in the air all over the warehouse and all I could think was: What the hell did we sign up for?
The first day reminded me of my family teaching us kids how to swim. My family didn't sign us up for swimming lessons. Instead, they would literally pick us up and throw us into the water (if you were lucky, with floaties on) and you'd figure out how to move your body through the water in order to survive. Tough, I know, but that's where I assume my fearless attitude started. So when I found myself standing on a shaky platform, 20-plus feet in the air, holding onto a heavy metal bar, I knew it was go-time.
I jumped off the board and had this euphoric moment of finally letting go of my fears. It was overwhelmingly satisfying... until I realized how complicated it was to keep a good grip on the bar, listen to the instructor, and attempt to look graceful while swinging through the air.
Trapeze is, actually, all about timing. You have to time the jump, the swing, the knee hang, and the reach-or else there's no shot of catching your partner on the other side. A knee hang involves two people: a flyer (me) and a catcher (Blake). The flyer jumps off of the platform and swings their legs over the bar to hang upside down. On the swing back, the flyer releases their hands to meet the catcher in the air to lock forearms, while the flyer lets go of the bar with their legs. If anything was even a hair off, we wouldn't make contact

Week after week, Blake and I were embarrassed or frustrated when we couldn't complete our trick. We'd get into minor quarrels and start a blame game of who did or didn't do something correctly-all while being filmed and observed by our insanely talented workshop members.
We finally accomplished the trick two days before the show. While it was a relief that we had actually pulled it off, one success in seven weeks wasn't exactly a reassuring track record. Come showtime, we were both incredibly nervous. I climbed the ladder, stood on the shaky platform, took a deep breath, and jumped. I reached blindly, caught sight of Blake swinging toward me, and I instantly knew that we did it. Success. It was the best feeling ever.
I was proud of us both as individuals and as a couple for tackling such a foreign experience together. In that moment, when all of our hard work paid off, I really felt like we were a team
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Fall in love with your significant other again and again with these expert relationship tips.
 
Love that lasts is the result of partners embedding themselves in each other's brains in a positive way. Memory circuits and pleasure get all wound up together so that the other person becomes integral to the very structure of your brain, and you become part of the structure of theirs.
Here are some steps toward making your love last:

1. Take your partner's breath away.

Do something amazingly thoughtful and out of the ordinary and try to incorporate an element of surprise to it: a loving note tucked into a pocket. A special dinner on an otherwise ordinary night. A playlist made up with his favorite songs. These thoughtful acts will embed you in your partner's memory.

2. Do something special on a regular basis.

Call them every day just to touch base for a few minutes. Make their favorite meal once a week. Once they begin to expect these things, you will always be close to their awareness.

3. Engage in lots of eye contact.

New couples seem to do this naturally, but don't drop this strong bonding behavior just because the relationship has progressed. This is one way to keep the "romance alive", as they say, and is especially powerful when making love. (Need inspo? These could spark joy in your sex life.)

4. Learn what pleases your partner sexually.

Make it clear that their pleasure is your pleasure, and you want to discover everything about what turns them on. They'll be happy to have you experiment with them while making love.

5. Teach your partner what you like.

Likewise, making you happy will make your partner feel good. And research shows that the sexual pleasure of one partner increases the pleasure of the other partner. (Figure out what you like using these

6. Boost lasting love with sexual novelty.

When things get humdrum and routine, there is not going to be as much of a hormonal/neurotransmitter reaction, and arousal is lessened. While you don't have to break out the whips and chains, a little novelty while you're making love can increase anticipation, which means that more hormones are secreted. The result? Hotter, more thrilling sex for both of you. (You can start with one of these vibrators.)

7. Do something edgy.

If you get your partner's heart rate up, they may associate the feeling of excitement with you and may develop more powerful feelings for you. Going on a roller-coaster ride, taking a balloon trip, shooting the rapids-anything with a touch of danger to it-can make them fall more deeply in love with you. (This

The ‘love hormone’

The first thing that happens when you kiss your partner is the release of different feel-good hormones that make you feel incredible. I’m talking about the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin and vasopressin, the one responsible for bonding mothers and babies. There’s also a bit of dopamine that makes the kissers happier almost instantly and a bunch of other neurohormones that keep us balanced.

Stress reduction

The more feel-good hormones are produced by your body, the happier you become. Studies show that love and pleasure significantly reduce your stress levels. Shows of affection like kissing influence your cortisol levels – a stress hormone that is causing most of the suffering. So kiss, feel loved, and simply be happy!

1.Mtu pekee ambaye biblia imeagiza alindwe na mwanamke hata kama ni mtu mzima ukiacha mtoto, ni MWANAUME.

Kwanini? Ni kwasababu usipomlinda akianza kuzini nje ya ndoa, hutampata maana akili yake huibiwa kirahisi bila hata limbwata unaweza kudhani kalogwa.

Hata lini utatanga-tanga, Ee binti mwenye kuasi? Kwa maana Bwana ameumba jambo jipya duniani; mwanamke atamlinda mwanamume. Yeremia 31:22

Yaani hata lini utatangatanga ee mwanamke ukitaka kuiacha ndoa yako eti mumeo ni mzinzi ana mahawala kibao, hivi umesahau kwamba unaishi na mtu asiye na akili aliyetekwa ufahamu? Unahitaji kumlinda si kwa kumchunga kama mbuzi hutaweza, isipokuwa kwa maombi tu. Unataka kumwacha mumeo uende wapi? Msaidie usimkatie tamaa.

3. Ukitaka kuamini kama aziniye hana akili angalia yuko tayari kumpeleka QT hawala huku mkewe darasa la saba.

4. YUKO TAYARI KUONA FAMILIA IKILALA NJAA LKN SIO AZINIYE NAYE.

5. Ni rahisi kwake kushawishiwa na hawala akamfukuze mkewe, lkn hawezi kumsikiliza mkewe akimwamshauri aachane na mahawala. Hii ni ajabu na aibu kwa wanaume.

6. Yuko tayari kumnunulia gari hawala Huku mkewe hata kujifunza kuendesha gari anambania.

7. Anayeweza kuzini na mwanamke hata kwa macho na moyoni akamvua na nguo kabisa na kumaliza kila kitu lkn ni kwa hisia tu....hiyo mbinu anayeweza kuitumia ni mwanaume na mchawi tu.

8. Ni afadhari mtu aliyelogwa kutokuwa na nguvu za kiume kuliko mwanaume mzinzi na mwasherati asiye na akiri.

9. Ni afadhari aliyenaswa na mtego wa sigara isiyoongea kuliko mtego wa zinaa kwa mwanamke mwenye akiri.

~ Inaonekana hata limbwata inapenya kirahisi kwa mwanaume baada ya uzinzi kufanyika na kuondolewa akili.

10. Nionyeshe mwanamke mwenye akili aliyepewa mimba na kichaa mwokota makopo, Mimi nitakuonyesha mwanamke kichaa aliyepewa mimba na mwanaume.

11.Ni afadhari kumshauri mlevi wa mvinyo baada ya ulevi kumtoka kuliko mlevi wa zinaa, maana ulevi wake unaendelea kumtafuna hata akiwa peke yake.

Bahati mbaya ni kwamba uzinzi unakaa kwenye ufahamu wa mwanaume kama doa lisilofutika na huenda kusumbua watoto wake na ujukuu pia .....unakuta wanasema yaani alivyo huyu kijana babaye au babu yake alikuwa malaya hivyo hivyo.

Mithali 6:27-29,32-33
Je! Mtu aweza kuuzima moto kifuani pake, na nguo zake zisiteketezwe?

Je! Mtu aweza kukanyaga makaa ya moto, na nyayo zake zisiungue?

Ndivyo alivyo aingiaye kwa mke wa jirani yake; Kila mtu amgusaye huyo atakuwa na hatia.
Mtu aziniye na mwanamke hana akili kabisa; Afanya jambo litakalomwangamiza nafsi yake.
Atapata jeraha na kuvunjiwa heshima;
Wala fedheha yake haitafutika.

USHAURI
Ukiwa mwanamke ameokoka na una mwanaume asiye na akili ombea sana nafsi yake inasulike ilikonasa wewe una nafasi kubwa sana ya kumbadirisha maana uko mwili mmoja naye japo amefanya maagano na miili mingi ya nje.

Na kama nawewe hujaokoka okoka basi ili ndoa yako irudishwe paradise usilipize kisasi ukaanza kutoka nje wakati una akili zako timamu! Siku hizi magonjws ni mengi.....Epuka kumoigia kelele hizo hazisaidii wala hazijawahi kumgeuza, wala usipigie siku hawala zake utaumia bure.

~Acha kupeleka kesi zako za uzinzi wa mumeo kwa wazazi wako wala wake haitakusaidia ile siyo akili yake.....ipeleke ndoa yako msalabani pa mwokozi anayerejesha akiri na nafsi ya mtu iliyonaswa.

ZAIDI YA YOTE ANA HERI MWANAUME MWENYE HOFU YA MUNGU NA KUMPENDA MKEWE NA KUJARI FAMILIA YAKE.

UNAPOZUN-GUMZIA suala la maumivu ya mapenzi, japokuwa huumiza sana hasa kama ulikuwa na mapenzi ya dhati na mwenzi wako na baadaye akaaamua kukugeuka, siyo suala geni hapa duniani.  Unapolia leo kwa sababu ya mapenzi, elewa kwamba mamilioni ya watu wanalia kama wewe ingawa tunatofautiana namna ya kukabiliana na maumivu. Lakini cha kujiuliza ni je, mpenzi wako akikuumiza sana, ni sahihi kujiapiza kwamba hutapenda tena?
Ni sahihi kusema kwamba siku hizi hakuna mapenzi ya ukweli kwa sababu tu amekuumiza? Ni sahihi kusema wanaume wote wako hivyohivyo au wanawake wote ndivyo walivyo?
Ukweli ni kwamba, unapovunjika moyo haimaanishi kwamba huo ndiyo mwisho wako wa kupenda. Unapojiapiza kwamba hutapenda tena au hutamwamini mtu tena, ni makosa makubwa kwa sababu kama uliyekuwa naye ameshindwa kuiona thamani  ya penzi lako, yupo ambaye atakuthamini na kukuheshimu. Kuna usemi maarufu kwamba mlango mmoja unapojifunga, mwingine huwa unafunguka muda huohuo lakini wengi wetu hupoteza muda mrefu kuutazama ule uliojifunga badala ya kuufuata ule uliofunguka.
Msemo huo una maana kubwa kwenye mapenzi kwamba kama mwenzi wako amekutenda, amekuvunja moyo, amekusononesha na kukufanya ulie, jua kwamba hakuwa ridhiki yako. Huwezi kujua Mungu amekuepusha na nini kwa hiyo badala ya kujiapiza na kukufuru, ni bora ukakubaliana na ukweli, japo huwa inauma sana.
Ukishaukubali ukweli, unakuwa kwenye nafasi nzuri ya kupona majeraha ndani ya moyo wako na nakuhakikishia, hata kama ulimpenda vipi huyo uliyekuwa naye, kama amefikia hatua ya kukuumiza na kuuvunja moyo wako, hakuwa riziki yako, endelea kumuomba Mungu kwa sababu yupo ambaye ndiye haswa aliyepangwa kuwa wako.
Upo usemi mwingine kwamba watu wengi huwa hawaoni umuhimu wa kitu mpaka wanapokipoteza, na wakati huohuo huwezi kujua ulichokuwa unakikosa mpaka pale utakapokipata. Yawezekana ulimpenda sana lakini huwezi kujua ulikuwa unakosa nini mpaka utakapokutana na yule mwenye mapenzi ya dhati, ambaye atakuheshimu na kukutunzia penzi lako.
Kinachowaumiza wengi huwa ni matarajio makubwa wanayokuwa nayo kwa wenzi wao. Unapomuonesha mwenzi wako mapenzi ya dhati, haimaanishi kwamba nay eye atakuonesha kama unavyotaka iwe.
Unaweza kupenda sana lakini ukaishia kulipwa mabaya, kitu cha kuzingatia ni kwamba kama umeamua kupenda, penda kwa moyo wako wote na kama unayempenda ni sahihi kwako, utajikuta nafsi yako ikiridhika na utakuwa na furaha.
Unapoweka mategemeo makaubwa kwamba mwenzi wako naye atakupenda katika kiwango sawa na kile unachompenda, ikitokea ameenda tofauti, maumivu yake huwa makubwa sana.

LAITI kama kwenye dunia hii kila mmoja angejitambua, akafuata misingi sahihi ya uhusiano, basi kusingekuwa na ugomvi.  Watu wangekuwa wanapishana tu kwenye mambo madogomadogo na kuwekana sawa kisha maisha yanaendelea, lakini kutokana na ugumu wa mioyo yetu, tunaifanya dunia kuwa uwanja wa mapambano. Watu wanagombana kila kukicha, wanapigana na hata kuuana, kisa mapenzi.
Ukifuatilia, chanzo kikuu cha matatizo haya huwa ni usaliti. Tamaa zinawatesa watu, wanashindwa kuishi njia kuu na kujikuta wakisababisha machafuko pindi watu wao wanaposhtukia mchezo huo.
Wengine hata siyo tamaa ya kitu au vitu, bali ni tabia tu. Hata ufanyeje ndivyo mtu alivyo tu. Yeye hawezi kutulia. Anataka huku, anataka kule; yaani ili mradi tu aufurahishe moyo wake kwa njia hiyo. Ukiachana na hayo, kipo chanzo kingine kikubwa cha machafuko ambacho ndicho nataka kukizungumzia leo. Chanzo hicho ni hasira. Hakuna asiyejua kwamba hasira ni hasara. Ukiziendekeza hasira siku zote huwezi kufanikiwa.
Kweli kwenye uhusiano kuna vitu vingi ambavyo ni maudhi. Unakutana na mtu, yeye maisha yake ni maudhi tu. Anakera, mbishi na mambo mengine kama hayo. Unapokuwa na mtu kama huyo ni changamoto mno kwenye mapenzi.
Ndiyo maana mara nyingi kwenye makala zangu nimekuwa nikisisitiza, epuka kuanzisha uhusiano na mtu pasua kichwa. Mtu ambaye yeye ugomvi ni kama ibada, hafai. Mtu ambaye mkiwa naye mnafurahi asilimia 3, 7 ni maudhi. Huyo muepuke mapema.
Lakini yote kwa yote, lazima tutambue hakuna binadamu aliyekamilika. Kila mtu ana upungufu wake, hivyo unaweza kujiona upo sahihi kumbe wewe ndiye tatizo. Ni vizuri kuruhusu akili yako ijifunze kutoka kwa wanaokuzunguka.
Hivyo basi, hata uwe na utashi wa namna gani wa kuwaepuka watu ambao ni kero kwenye maisha yako, lazima utambue bado huwezi kupata yule ambaye atakuwa amekamilika kwa asilimia mia. Lazima kuna mengine mtabadilishana mkiwa kwenye mapenzi.
Kikubwa unachotakiwa kukijua, mara baada ya kuanzisha safari yako ya uhusiano na mtu ambaye unaamini anafaa, basi jiepushe na kitu kinachoitwa hasira. Hasira ndugu zangu ndizo zinasababisha matatizo mengi kwenye jamii yetu.
Unapokutana na makwazo fulani kwenye uhusiano wako, kikubwa wewe ‘jipe muda’. Usikurupuke kufanya uamuzi. Kuwa na desturi ya kupuuza. Puuzia kwa muda, fanya jambo lingine ambalo litakutoa kwenye mawazo hayo.
Hata kama amekukwaza namna gani, unatamani kumfikishia ujumbe mhusika wala usiwe na haraka. Jipe muda wa kufanya mambo mengine, lile liweke kiporo. Utakapolizungumza baadaye ni tofauti na utakavyolizungumza papo hapo. Unapokurupuka kusema jambo wakati huo, ni hatari. Unaweza kutamka jambo ambalo ni baya mno. Kujipa muda kunalipa.
Kunalifanya pendo lizidi kuwa na uhai. Wanaokurupuka kufungua kinywa wakati wana hasira siku zote huwa wanajikuta pabaya. Unatamka neno ambalo litakuwa baya kwa mwenzako, naye anakujibu vibaya, kinachofuata hapo ni ugomvi ambao unaweza kusababisha hata vifo vyenu. Kama siyo vifo, basi mmoja anaweza kuishia gerezani na mwingine kaburini.
Hakuna cha maana mnachokuwa mmekipata zaidi ya kuishia kwenye matatizo makubwa. Ukitafakari kwa kina baada ya tatizo kutokea, unaona kumbe ungejizuia wala msingefikia hatua mliyofikia. Unalitafakari jambo lililosababisha maafa, unaliona ni dogo kabisa.
Jambo lenyewe halina kichwa wala miguu, lakini ndilo hilohilo limesababisha maafa. Ndugu zangu, tujichunge sana na hasira. Maudhi hayaepukiki, lakini tuchague amani. Tujipe muda wa kufikiria kidogo kabla ya kufanya jambo.
Kaa mbali na mpenzi wako unapokuwa na hasira. Ondoka, nenda mahali pengine ambako utakutana na mazingira na watu tofauti. Utachangamka, ukirudi kwa mtu wako huwezi kuwa yule wa kwanza. Mbaya zaidi kujitenga huku ndiko kunakofanya uhusiano uwe na umri mrefu. Wapendanao mnatakiwa kuvumiliana, kuchukuliana udhaifu na kuwa na upendo wa dhati

MAISHA ya uhusiano kwa sasa yana changamoto nyingi. Watu wanaishi kwenye makelele ya kila aina. Huyu anagombana na mwenzi wake kwa sababu ya usaliti, mwingine anagombana na mwenza wake kutokana na ukorofi tu binafsi.

Hii inatokana na jinsi kizazi cha sasa kinavyojirahisisha kufanya mambo kwa mazoea. Kuchukulia vitu kawaidakawaida tu. Mathalan, mtu ni mume wa mtu, lakini nje ana michepuko kama yote.

Anaona ni jambo la kawaida tu yeye kuchepuka. Mtu ni mke wa mtu, lakini naye anakuwa na michepuko nje. Mbaya zaidi si kwamba anafanya kwa siri, mazingira ambayo anayafanya yapo wazi kabisa. Mtu anajiona mjanja, ananufaika na penzi la ziada ilhali analo lililo halali. Ndiyo maana ninasema, kizazi hiki cha sasa kimeharibika.

Imefika mahali kila mtu anamlaumu mwenzake. Mke anamlaumu mume, kwamba haridhiki, lakini mume naye anamtupia lawama mke kwamba naye ni walewale. Ile imani na heshima kwamba huyu ni mke au mume wa mtu inazidi kuporomoka siku hadi siku.

Inafika mahali unashindwa kutofautisha huyu ni mke wa mtu au bado hajaolewa. Mavazi anayovaa mke wa mtu ni kama vile anatafuta mabwana kwa nguvu.

Mke wa mtu anatembea nusu utupu, unategemea nini? Jibu ni rahisi tu, anajiuza! Haridhiki na yule aliyenaye. Anawinda masoko mengine ambayo anaamini atanufaika nayo. Hapo ndipo tulipofikia.

Mazingira tuliyopo si salama tena, ni hatari hata kwa afya. Ndiyo maana leo nataka tujifunze kwamba, maisha yalivyo tunapaswa kujua namna bora ya kuishi ili kuhakikisha tunakuwa salama sisi na vizazi vijavyo.

Wewe ambaye umeamua kwa dhati kuingia kwenye maisha ya uhusiano, unapaswa kujitambua. Ujijue kwamba ni mume au mke wa mtu, hupaswi kucheza na moyo wa mwenzako. Usalama wa mwenzako unatembea nao wewe.

Heshima ya mwenza wako upo nayo wewe. Ukijirahisisha ni kwamba unajidhalilisha, lakini kubwa kabisa unahatarisha afya yako na ya mwenza wako. Kila mmoja akilitambua hilo, atamlinda mwenzake. Atajiheshimu ili kulinda heshima ya ndoa yenu. Hakutakuwa na sababu ya kufuatiliana sana.

Mnapofuatiliana sana, wakati mwingine mnajisababishia ‘stresi’ zisizokuwa na lazima. Hakuna ulazima wa mke kuwa anapekuwa mara kwa mara simu ya mumewe. Lakini pia mume naye asitumie nafasi hiyo kufanya mambo ya kijinga maana mwisho wa siku madhara yataonekana. Unaposaliti ipo siku utajulikana tu.

Ukijulikana itakuwa ni mwanzo wa ugomvi, itakuwa ni mwanzo wa kelele zisizokuwa na kichwa wala miguu. Mjengee mwenzako mazingira ya kumuamini, anayeaminiwa naye aheshimu. Kuchunguzana sana ni kusababisha kero zisizokuwa na ulazima.

Kila mmoja wenu atambue kwamba ana dhamana ya uhai wa mwenzake. Asijirahisishe na kama mwenzako akishindwa kujiheshimu na kufanya mambo ambayo yanakudhalilisha au kukuhatarishia afya, basi ni bora mtu huyo kuachana naye kuliko kuendelea kuvumilia matatizo yanayoweza kukatisha uhai. Ifike mahali mheshimiane, mpendane kwa dhati na muishi kama marafiki.

Mshirikishane kuhusu suala hilo na muishi katika upendo wa dhati. Somo hilo likiwaingia kwa dhati, hakuna hata mmoja kati yenu anayeweza kuleta mzaha kwenye uhusiano wenu.
Tukutane wiki ijayo kwa mada nyingine nzuri.