Couples Communication

Talking to Each Other 
So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me.

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Name seven specific things you really like about your mate.

What things do you need to hear more often from your mate.

How much effort do you put forth when it comes to the health, happiness and wholeness of your relationship? What specifically do you do?

What problems, if solved, would make the biggest difference in your relationship?

Can you tell your mate exactly what you need from him or her, your real wants and needs? Ask your mate what he or she needs and wants from you. 
In one sentence, describe your mate.

What is the most solid part of your relationship? How do your individual strengths compliment each other? 
In twenty words, describe your relationship.

Do both people in your relationship have equal responsibility concerning financial matters? What about household and family responsibilities? Are the responsibilities fair and equal? 
What is the most recent thing you did to try to make your mate happy? Be specific. How important is your mate’s happiness to you?

When was the last time your mate gave you the look of love?

Is there anything in your lovemaking that you haven’t done that you’d like to try?

What are the three main hindrances to you feeling more love in your relationship?

Is your mate also a good friend? Explain. 
What do you bring to your relationship that makes it work?

What did you learn about your mate after you married or bonded, that you didn’t know beforehand? 
Are there times that you feel particularly close to your mate? If yes, when?

How much time do you spend with your mate each day? How often do you plan time to be alone together? 
Is the way your mate kisses you important? How do you like to be kissed? When was the last time you had that kind of kiss?

What kinds of things did you do for your mate before you got married that you no longer take the time to do? 
What are the two most important decisions you and your mate will make together this next year? 
Does your mate challenge you to grow? How?

Do you trust your mate? If not, where was your trust broken?

How do you feel when your mate is unresponsive to you sexually? How do you feel when your mate is in the mood for love and you’re not?

How do your greet your mate when you haven’t seen him/her all day? How would you like your mate to greet you? 
You love your partner but there is no passion left in your relationship. How would you attempt to rekindle that fire? 
How can you detect when your mate is upset? How do you usually respond to him/her at such times? How would you like him/her to respond to you when you’re upset?

What would it take to make you feel loved the way you need to be loved?