Much of what I wrote above comes from years of experience being married myself, as well as talking to other married couples.
But woven throughout is knowledge I gained from two of the most important marriage books in my opinion. I read a lot of marriage books and these are two I keep coming back to, a quick review of each, and where to purchase them. I recommend them both wholeheartedly to help any and all marriage issues and continue on the road to recovery and oneness with your spouse.
1. Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
I read this book the first time when I had only been married a few years. I had heard great things about it, but took the leap when I noticed we were entering a dry spell. I had no idea that my lack of respect for my spouse was producing this “crazy cycle”, as Eggerichs calls it. According to Eggerichs, and without giving away too much of what this ingenious book details, every couple has a crazy cycle that is spurred on by certain behaviors.
I read this book the first time when I had only been married a few years. I had heard great things about it, but took the leap when I noticed we were entering a dry spell. I had no idea that my lack of respect for my spouse was producing this “crazy cycle”, as Eggerichs calls it. According to Eggerichs, and without giving away too much of what this ingenious book details, every couple has a crazy cycle that is spurred on by certain behaviors.
The crazy cycle according to the author is a downward spiral of prideful disrespect fueled by a lack of love and cherishing, where each spouse never gets their needs met and only makes things worse by how they respond to not getting what they need (namely, love and respect). Eggerichs then details specifically how to stop the crazy cycle and start an energizing cycle of love and respect so that all spouses get their needs met and are able to stop the downward spiral and begin an upward climb to success in marriage. His tips are things I do every day, but you really must read it to get all of his in-depth analysis and help. It greatly improved the quality of my relationship and I know it can improve yours, too.
The book is available on Amazon through this link. It is as low as $12 hardcover and $9 for kindle. That is a small investment to saving your marriage.
2. Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson
This book, although I don’t agree with all of it, is an amazing analysis on what can be done when a spouse is cheating, disengaged, threatening to leave, involved in destructive behavior, abusive, or anything else that can ruin one’s life. Although I do not go through the extreme situations detailed therein, it was very helpful for me when counseling other marriages on serious issues, as well as using the techniques of tough love in smaller situations, like standing my ground with coworkers or being hearty and strong in the face of a difficult and intimidating client.
This book, although I don’t agree with all of it, is an amazing analysis on what can be done when a spouse is cheating, disengaged, threatening to leave, involved in destructive behavior, abusive, or anything else that can ruin one’s life. Although I do not go through the extreme situations detailed therein, it was very helpful for me when counseling other marriages on serious issues, as well as using the techniques of tough love in smaller situations, like standing my ground with coworkers or being hearty and strong in the face of a difficult and intimidating client.
Dobson explains that in order to save one’s marriage, groveling, whining, begging, and seeming “weak” will never work. He suggests a calm, cool, collected, and confident approach, where the victimized spouse clearly communicates the truth while never giving the other spouse the power they seek in the imbalanced relationship. Even though my marriage is not in crisis, this book has been a godsend for helping those who are. If you are dealing with some of the behavior cycles I have mentioned in this brief summary, this book will help you escape those and hopefully save your marriage (although, with healthier boundaries and real commitments to change.) This book is available on Amazon through this link for as little as $8 on Kindle and $9 in print.
A Parting Word
While no marriage is perfect, there are steps you can take to make yours better and outside resources that are available to help. By committing to take these small steps, you can help your struggling marriage regain the spark it once had, or have it for the first time ever. It takes commitment and hard work from both spouses to have a healthy and happy marriage. My hope for you is that you would try and look into the resources offered, because a broken marriage always seems like it’s not a big deal, until it leads to divorce and people are hurt in the process.
Comment below about your story. I’d be glad to help. You can also shoot me an anonymous question below and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
While no marriage is perfect, there are steps you can take to make yours better and outside resources that are available to help. By committing to take these small steps, you can help your struggling marriage regain the spark it once had, or have it for the first time ever. It takes commitment and hard work from both spouses to have a healthy and happy marriage. My hope for you is that you would try and look into the resources offered, because a broken marriage always seems like it’s not a big deal, until it leads to divorce and people are hurt in the process.
Comment below about your story. I’d be glad to help. You can also shoot me an anonymous question below and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean.
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