When you're going on a date with someone you've never met before — whether that's someone you met on a dating app, a friend of a friend, or a totally blind date — it's normal to be a little nervous and worry that things won't go well. After all, who's to say you'll even have an IRL connection with this total stranger? But it's important to remember that first dates don't necessarily have to be cause for stress: even if it doesn't turn into a second date, that's OK!
"While it can be disappointing if a first date doesn’t turn into a second one, especially if your mind wandered to thinking they could be 'The One,' having a first date, regardless of the outcome, is both an ego and a confidence booster," dating coach Julie Spira tells Bustle. "It reminds you that it’s fine to go out and have fun with someone interesting, rather than staying home staring at your phone, wondering why someone hasn’t texted you back."
Of course, it's great if you and your date hit it off and form a connection right away — but if you don't, you shouldn't sweat it. Dates are just an opportunity to meet someone new, have fun, or, at the very least, learn something about yourself (like what you don't like in a date). Here are nine expert tips that can help any first date go a little smoother... even if it's with a total stranger.
1Put Safety First
Anytime you’re meeting up with a total stranger, it’s a good idea to be a little cautious when planning your date — because it’s better to be safe than sorry!
"Meet in a public place and tell someone trusted where you are," Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, couples therapist, tells Bustle. "Don't be afraid to post your location on social media and remember to be aware of your surroundings. Don't let your date pressure you into anything and have an escape (like an alarm set like a ringtone) ready if you need it."
2Keep It Casual
First dates don’t have to be extravagant or super lengthy in order to be “good” — in fact, if you keep things more low-key, it’ll be easier to get an accurate sense of what your connection with your date is like.
"A first date shouldn't be a production," Powell says. "It should be a time where you get to know the other person by talking to them about their life and experiences. A setting that has a fairly low noise level is a good idea so that conversation can flow smoothly."
3Don't Put Too Much Pressure On The Date
It’s OK to be optimistic and hope for the best on dates, but having super high expectations can lead to disappointment. The best first date expectation to have is simply that you’ll get to know someone new — you can worry about the rest later.
"Be yourself and be honest," Powell says. "First dates aren't the time to find out the person's entire life history but you can get a good idea of what they might want in the future. Don't get hung up on small things and keep the big picture in mind. You can always decline the next date if you don't sense any chemistry."
4Skip The Small Talk
Getting a conversation flowing with a total stranger isn’t always easy, but if you’re willing to dig a little deeper than small talk, try asking some questions that will help you really get to know your date.
"Don’t spend your whole date talking about the weather," Caleb Backe, health & wellness expert at Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. "You’ll end up walking away realizing you know nothing about the person and you’ll have no choice but to go out again to find out more. Jump right in there with the big questions you want answers to — who are they as a person and do you guys have anything in common?"
9 First Date Tips For When You're Going Out With Someone You've Never Met Before
When you're going on a date with someone you've never met before — whether that's someone you met on a dating app, a friend of a friend, or a totally blind date — it's normal to be a little nervous and worry that things won't go well. After all, who's to say you'll even have an IRL connection with this total stranger? But it's important to remember that first dates don't necessarily have to be cause for stress: even if it doesn't turn into a second date, that's OK!
"While it can be disappointing if a first date doesn’t turn into a second one, especially if your mind wandered to thinking they could be 'The One,' having a first date, regardless of the outcome, is both an ego and a confidence booster," dating coach Julie Spira tells Bustle. "It reminds you that it’s fine to go out and have fun with someone interesting, rather than staying home staring at your phone, wondering why someone hasn’t texted you back."
Of course, it's great if you and your date hit it off and form a connection right away — but if you don't, you shouldn't sweat it. Dates are just an opportunity to meet someone new, have fun, or, at the very least, learn something about yourself (like what you don't like in a date). Here are nine expert tips that can help any first date go a little smoother... even if it's with a total stranger.
1Put Safety First
Anytime you’re meeting up with a total stranger, it’s a good idea to be a little cautious when planning your date — because it’s better to be safe than sorry!
"Meet in a public place and tell someone trusted where you are," Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, couples therapist, tells Bustle. "Don't be afraid to post your location on social media and remember to be aware of your surroundings. Don't let your date pressure you into anything and have an escape (like an alarm set like a ringtone) ready if you need it."
2Keep It Casual
First dates don’t have to be extravagant or super lengthy in order to be “good” — in fact, if you keep things more low-key, it’ll be easier to get an accurate sense of what your connection with your date is like.
"A first date shouldn't be a production," Powell says. "It should be a time where you get to know the other person by talking to them about their life and experiences. A setting that has a fairly low noise level is a good idea so that conversation can flow smoothly."
3Don't Put Too Much Pressure On The Date
It’s OK to be optimistic and hope for the best on dates, but having super high expectations can lead to disappointment. The best first date expectation to have is simply that you’ll get to know someone new — you can worry about the rest later.
"Be yourself and be honest," Powell says. "First dates aren't the time to find out the person's entire life history but you can get a good idea of what they might want in the future. Don't get hung up on small things and keep the big picture in mind. You can always decline the next date if you don't sense any chemistry."
4Skip The Small Talk
Getting a conversation flowing with a total stranger isn’t always easy, but if you’re willing to dig a little deeper than small talk, try asking some questions that will help you really get to know your date.
"Don’t spend your whole date talking about the weather," Caleb Backe, health & wellness expert at Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. "You’ll end up walking away realizing you know nothing about the person and you’ll have no choice but to go out again to find out more. Jump right in there with the big questions you want answers to — who are they as a person and do you guys have anything in common?"
5Come Prepared With "Mission" Stories
Another trick for starting a convo with your date? Think of a few "missions" you’re currently on, and if the conversation comes to a halt, try sharing something about those passions with your date.
"I always tell my clients to come armed with at least [three to five] mission stories — and by missions I mean things they are doing in their lives right now that have a full mission attached to them but may not be complete just yet," Marni Kinrys, dating coach and founder of The Wing Girl Method, tells Bustle. "Missions are a way to talk about something that you know in moments of conversation lulls. Plus they are great ways to share YOU and how you work if told correctly. Plus they can help you see who the other person is sitting across from you."
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